As much as we would like to protect our children from all stress and conflict, it is not possible. We, therefore, need to strive to raise children who are resilient and have the skills and confidence to handle life's challenges.
Self-Esteem
Provide your child with unconditional love. Acknowledge that each of us has our own temperament, personality and capabilities. Strive to nurture each child's unique gifts. Provide frequent positive feedback and encouragement.
Emotions
Help children recognize and identify feelings in themselves and others. Teach them to express their feelings in a positive and respectful way. There are a variety of ways to do this, for example, read stories about emotions and emotional situations, encourage them to express their feelings through art and play, express your own emotions in a positive way, and reflect their feelings ("you seem sad that...").
Empathy
Before trying to correct or teach a value or behavior, try to see the world through your child's eyes. Validating his/her feelings and beliefs builds self-esteem, opens the lines of communication and models having empathy and respect for others.
Positive Communication
Actively listen to children by allowing them to express their thoughts and feelings and then reflecting back your understanding. Teach children positive ways to express their feelings such as "I statements" (I feel ________ when __________). Model respect for different opinions and beliefs by refraining from using negative adjectives when expressing a differing point of view.
Conflicts
Help children recognize that conflicts are a part of life. Don't dismiss the conflict by saying "it's not a big deal", ignore the conflict in the hopes that it will go away or "fix" the situation on your own. Instead acknowledge the feelings and thoughts related to the conflict and help your child find a way to resolve the situation. It may be uncomfortable, but if the conflict is resolved in a positive way, your child will be stronger for the experience.
Problem Solving
Help your children solve problems rather than rushing to fix problems for them. Help them identify the problem, generate possible solutions, choose a solution/plan of action and then evaluate the outcome. This process can be applied to simple tasks such as choosing a book to read or game to play or more difficult situations such as how to respond to a bully at school.
Mistakes
Let your child make mistakes! Help children understand that no one is perfect. Allow mistakes to be an opportunity for learning.
Parenting
As parents it is important to be aware of and address our own anxieties and discomforts so that we are able to be fully present and positive in helping our children in the above areas.
By: Kristi Hallman, LCSW-C
301-712-9015, Ext 1012
www.KristiHallman.com
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