Tips to End the Homework Battle

By Jess Albright, LCPC

School will be back in session soon, which also means that your child's backpack will have that dreaded content - homework!  It can be excruciating for them and also for you as the parent, am I right?  Well, let's end the battle and help your child succeed with his homework by implementing a few tips.

• Allow your child to have some free time when he gets home from school instead of forcing homework right away.  I know that after a long day at work, the last thing I want to do when I get home is continue what I didn't have time to get done during the day.  I need to relax a little.  Your child is no different - he just spent 8 hours in the school environment.  Let him recharge his batteries, eat a healthy snack, use up some energy, and re-center himself.  Depending on your child, and what time he gets home from school, an hour is a nice block of time for this.      

• Create a quiet and effective space for homework and studying.  This should be away from all distractions, electronic devices especially.  You can have your child "check his tech" after his break is over, knowing that he can earn them back when his homework is complete.  

• Also make sure that this space has all the supplies and materials your child will need.  This can include a desk/hard writing surface, sharpened pencils, markers, eraser, ruler, calculator (if applicable), assignment notebook, scissors, glue, etc.  Having everything easily accessible to him will allow your child to concentrate on the task at hand rather than scour the house for colored pencils.  

• Encourage your child to divide his homework assignments into "What I can do myself" and "What I need help with."  This will also help prepare you for when he may need your assistance so that you can make yourself available.  

• Allow your child to take breaks throughout the duration of his homework.  Depending on your child's age, he could earn 10 free minutes after completing each subject, or 10 free minutes after every 30 minutes of hard work.  You are your child's expert here.  However, keep these short breaks tech-free.  We all know how addictive electronics can be at times, so avoid the power struggle and don't allow tech until homework is completely finished.  It is also helpful to set a kitchen timer so your child knows when his 10 minutes is up.

• Consider doing your paperwork at the same time because modeling is the best example for children.  I know you have to slap on that Superman cape and make dinner, clean the house, take care of the kids, feed the cat, walk the dog, and so on and so on.  But as much as you can, try to complete these other duties before or after homework time, or even during your child's earned break times.  If everyone is focusing on quiet work at the same time, there are much fewer distractions, thus creating a more efficient work environment.     

• Use encouraging words when your child is struggling.  Some examples are: "What parts do you understand?"  "What part has you stumped?" "If you had to guess, what would you say the answer is?"  "How could you find the answer?"  This shows your child that you are there to support him, but that you won't jump in and actually do the work for him - that's his job.

• Feel free to look over your child's homework when it's completed.  This way you can help him make sure he didn't forget anything, especially if the assignment has several parts.  You can even encourage your child to put check marks in his assignment notebook as he completes each piece to help teach him how to become responsible for keeping track of what he needs to complete.  As much as you will want to, fight the urge to correct your child's mistakes (unless you have checked with his teacher).  If his teacher sees patterns with his errors, this can be very helpful for her and what content she might need to re-visit the next day.  

• Understand that your child's homework is his job and his responsibility.  This may seem very difficult for you.  However, it is vital that your child learns as early as possible that the consequences for not completing his homework rests on him, not on you.  After a few times of learning the consequences first-hand, your child will begin to see that he has responsibility in the matter.  Life lessons - gotta love 'em!

Take all of these tips into consideration, sit down with your child, and develop a system that works best for everyone.  There is never one right way to do things, so allow yourself to be flexible and make alterations to suit your child, especially as he progresses through grade levels.  Don't let homework be a battle you choose! 

Back to School: Conquering Transition Stress

By: Elise Abromson, Psy.D.

Going back to school can be an exciting and scary time for many children and teens. This may be the year your child transitions from elementary to middle school or from middle school to high school. These transitions can be stressful and anxiety provoking. Many children do not know what to expect in a new school. They worry about the schoolwork as well as the peers they will face. Even if they are returning to the same school they may have some back to school jitters. Here are some ways that parents can help their children make a smooth transition from summer to back to school. 

• Start talking with your child early about their concerns and also what they are exciting about for the upcoming year. This will allow you enough time to address their concerns and take action when needed. Encourage your child to be open with you about their worries and not to be embarrassed by them. 

• If your child is transitioning to a new school speak with the principal to set up a time for your child to look around the school before everyone gets there. If possible, bring his or her class schedule and help him or her find his or her classrooms. Orientations can be overwhelming; seeing the school without as many people there makes it a less intimidating experience. Many children also find it helpful just to drive to the school and stand outside the building to get used to it. 

• Encourage your child to call peers he or she knows from his or her previous school and set up a time to meet and go to school together. Children feel better approaching a new situation if they have someone there with them and have their peers as support. They also begin to feel as though they are not in it alone. If your child does not know anyone, speak with the school counselor or principal and look into getting your child a "student buddy" that may be able to show him or her around. 

• Get your child back on a school schedule BEFORE school starts! Do not wait until the night before to send your child to bed earlier. The combination of nerves, excitement, and a new schedule can be a recipe for a sleepless night and a tough first day. Try to begin the school schedule about a week in advance. 

• Create a sense of excitement! Go back to school shopping for clothes and school supplies. Make a family day out of it so your child does not dread going back! Help them pick out their clothes for the first day and pack up their backpacks. Give them a special lunch for the first day that will result in a smile on their face (feel free to include a note as an added bonus!)!

• Look on the school's webpage before school starts to find information about clubs, sports, and other after school activities in which your child may be interested. Make sure he or she knows when, where, and how to sign up for the activities. Activities are also a great way for children to meet new people and feel happier in school. 

• Of course, always encourage your child to come to you should he or she experience any difficulties during the year. Letting them know you are there for them is so important, as they may need support throughout the year.

This article addresses typical school worries. There are other issues that factor into back to school time that are more serious. Bullying and school anxiety are just a few. If your child is experiencing more intense emotions about school it may be necessary to seek professional help. 

Clinician in the Spotlight

Pam McDonald, LCSW-C

Pam McDonald, LCSW-C, has practiced integrative psychotherapy in her private practice at the Healing Circles Wellness Center since 2009. Her passion is awakening clients to their innate healing capacities and assisting them on their journey of self-discovery and healing. Pam integrates mindfulness-based and Somatic Experiencing techniques into her practice to address the wellness of the whole self. She believes, "To fully engage in our lives, we must feel connected to and balanced in body, mind and spirit."

Pam's mindfulness practices teach clients to nurture self-compassion, non-judgment, and deep acceptance of all their thoughts, feelings, sensations, and experiences. This inviting and loving approach teaches clients that "what we resist, persists" and gently, but deeply allows clients to experience the wholeness that lies beneath their chattering mind. Whether the chattering mind is believing anxious or depressive thoughts or traumatic histories, there is a way through the noise of the body and mind to a place of inner peace and potent creativity--always present, always within the self.

Pam assists clients with reconnecting to the natural intelligence held in their bodies through Somatic Experiencing. Somatic Experiencing, developed by Dr. Peter Levine, is a powerful psychobiological approach that gently yet deeply resolves trauma symptoms and relieves chronic stress held in the body. Trauma research reveals that there are multiple ways that humans experience trauma--from the birth process, attachment and early child development, accidents, surgeries, chronic stressors, war and terror, physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. These traumas can produce persistent symptoms that mimic physiological and psychological disorders--symptoms that clients have difficulty getting lasting relief from traditional approaches. Somatic Experiencing provides a holistic framework of working in the body to reset the nervous system so that clients can access their innate vitality, equanimity, and fully engage in their lives. Pam has found it to be a transformative process for her clients.

Pam enjoys working with men and women, teens and adults, individuals and couples. She is experienced with helping clients with anxiety, depression, emotional dysregulation, trauma, stress management, navigating life transitions, grief/loss, and Asperger's. She also provides meditation coaching and meditation groups. Pam is also available as a speaker to groups and organization

Learn more about Pam at www.therapywithpam.com. 

She can be reached at 301-712-9015, x1022. 

Welcome, Grief Coach, Bonnie Triantafillos Wright, LCSW-C!

Bonnie is a licensed psychotherapist and grief coach with training from Cath Duncan’s Creative Grief Studio.  She also comes with a strong background in adjustment to illness issues and end of life support and planning. Additionally, 

Bonnie provided brief solution focused therapy for depression and anxiety with an emphasis on building coping and identifying manageable goals.

 

Bonnie’s personal and professional experiences have provided her with a rich background and knowledge in grief and loss that has been most recently complimented with tools from Cath Duncan’s Creative Grief Studio. Bonnie’s theoretical perspective on grief and loss, coupled with traditional talk therapy, provides an opportunity to empower clients with resilience and creativity in their grief journey. She incorporates tools that allow her clients to become more self aware and to experience grief and loss more wholeheartedly.  Bonnie uses her skills to encourage her clients to approach their emotional experience with more compassion and curiosity; allowing them to see that there is wisdom and opportunities in their grief. This is a unique approach to grief and loss work, as the process explores opportunities to celebrate the life that has ended and to find ways for continued connection, while also providing space to process and share their loss.  Bonnie’s work supports clients in examining their thoughts, leaning into their feelings and trusting that their emotions ebb and flow, thus providing greater likelihood that they will experience  an authentic expression of their grief.

 

Bonnie works with anyone grieving as a result of a death, including the loss of a pet. Bonnie also supports those facing end of life, chronic illness and life threatening illness, loss of job, divorce/end of relationships or any life changing event that brings about feelings associated with grief and loss. Bonnie also provides education as to what grief looks and feels like so that clients have permission to experience grief for those circumstances that are “non-tangible” loss; specifically loss not experienced by death.

 

With a strong medical social work background, Bonnie provides education and awareness to clients dealing with physical illness and pain. Through exploration of lifestyle and coping, Bonnie works with clients to make adjustments that may improve their overall physical and emotional health. 

Bonnie graduated from University of Maryland with her MSW and has been working 14 years as a licensed clinician. She has worked as a therapist in a Pediatric Cancer Department doing end of life support to parents, psychosocial assessments, and adjustment to illness therapy.  Bonnie also supported families of pediatric patients with other life threatening and chronic illnesses on the Pediatric In-patient unit. Bonnie also brings a strong background in supporting clients at end of life while working as a therapist at hospice. She has also provided therapy to those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, as well as led psycho-educational bereavement groups. During her time in graduate school, Bonnie worked in a residential treatment center serving adolescent boys and girls.

The Gift of Time

The Gift of Time

By Jess Albright, LCPC

Summer is finally here, and since things are less hectic than during the school year, it is a great time to focus on an invaluable gift you can give your children – the gift of TIME: 

Talk.  While you may have a very busy schedule, you also need to set aside time for when your child needs to talk.  Make sure to remove all distractions in order to be completely available to him.  Pay close attention to activities and the names he mentions, as these topics and people are of importance and will most likely be brought up in future conversations.     

While your child talks, be sure to actively listen to him.  You can do this by showing your interest in his opinion and point of view, even if they differ from yours.  You are more than welcome to share your opinion, but just make sure you respectfully allow him to finish what he has to say.  Also, instead of just “uh-huh-ing” and “yeah-ing,” repeat what you heard him say to make sure you understood correctly.  You can even ask clarifying questions along the way.  Last, but not least, look for the feelings underlying the words he says.  Feelings are never right or wrong, and emotionally supporting your child goes a long way in showing that you love and care for him.    

It can also be helpful to ask your child what are his expectations from the conversation.  Does he want advice?  Does he just want you to listen and to be heard?  Does he need help understanding his feelings?  Or is he trying to solve a problem?  It is very helpful to know what to expect from the conversation so that you can support your child in the way he needs to be supported and you don’t make detrimental assumptions.  

Imagination.   Children have a natural-born creativity that needs to be embraced all year long.  

Children learn significantly from trial and error and from engaging their senses.  Make-believe play is also a powerful time for your child to grow his vocabulary, understand cause and effect, learn real-world rules about sharing, and understand social interactions.  All of these elements are vital because they help your child build the skills necessary to communicate and grow with his peers, and they promote problem solving skills he needs to become a successful adult. 

Making crafts, writing or telling stories, reading, playing house, or putting on a show are all times when you can nurture your child’s imagination.  And the best part is that you don’t need anything super fancy or expensive to do any of the above mentioned activities.  In fact, by thinking and acting outside the box to facilitate these activities, you are modeling creativity to your child.  After all, a used makeup compact can make a pretty awesome Turtlecom when playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles outside with your brothers.  And an old broom stick with athletic tape makes a pretty cool bow for Donatello to use to fight off the Foot Clan.  I’m just saying…

Movement.  Turn off the TV, the Wii, and all other electronics and encourage your child to play.  For that matter, don’t hold back – join the fun!  Children actually crave time with their parents because it makes them feel special.  And playing with your child builds a bond that will last forever.  It lets your child know that you love and appreciate him.  Playing with your child will also help you get to know, understand, and embrace the uniqueness of your child.  And best of all, it is also a great stress reducer for you as an overworked parent.  So, enter your child’s little world, let lose, be silly, and have fun with him!          

  

Getting up and moving is also a great opportunity for you and your child to get much needed exercise.  No more Couch Potatoes!  You, as the parent, can be a great role model by going outside and playing along with your child.  Together you can make healthy choices that will have positive, long-term health benefits.  Throwing or kicking a ball back and forth, riding bikes, playing tag or hide-and-seek, or going on a nature hike are just a few examples.  In being active, you can help your child develop motor coordination and learn good sportsmanship.     

Eat.  In sharing a meal with your child you can also spend time with him.  However, with our busy lives and overscheduled children, this can be difficult.  But it’s not impossible.  Even if you can’t sit down together every night, a stronger relationship with your child is worth rearranging schedules to make it happen a few times a week.  And when I say sit down, I mean at the dining room table, not in front of the TV or in the van driving through McDonalds.  In fact, make sure there aren’t any distracting screens during dinner time (this includes cell phones for both you and your child).  

Around the table you and your child can talk and share.  Having meals together provides your family with an opportunity to catch up with one another, learning about the events in each other’s day.  Additionally, this is a place where you can teach your child social skills especially manners.  “Will you please pass me the butter?  Thank you.”    

Family meals also provide an opportunity for you to model good balanced eating habits and help improve his diet.  You can introduce him to a variety of foods prepared in various ways.  Also, family meals tend to have less soda and fried food and far more fruits and vegetables than meals that are easy to grab on the go (i.e. fast foods).  So by providing a family meal, not only are you promoting a healthy lifestyle, but you are also growing a healthy relationship with your child.  

It might take some time to settle into these new habits, but, I hole-heartedly agree with Louise Hart who stated, “The best thing to spend on your children is time.”  And with this gift you will raise healthy, happy children. 

Vision Board Playshop!

There are 5 spots left! 

Vision Board Playshop 2014: If you can dream it, you can do it!

I am offering 12 spots for women who want to own and create their one "wild and precious life." 

Do you believe in magic? Join me for a Vision/Dream Board Playshop. You will create your own unique masterpiece that reflects what you want for your ideal life. Skeptical that vision boards are effective? Ask me how I met Oprah. That's right, Ms. Winfrey in the flesh.

Please bring a background of your choice (poster board or cork board work well.) You can also bring images or words cut from magazines, personal pictures, memorabilia, quotes, affirmations or anything that speaks to you. You can create a board that addresses many aspects of your life or make it apply to a specific area. I will provide magazines, scissors and glue to aid in the creative process. There are no rules so come out and play.

Vision Board Playshop: will be offered Friday July 18, 2014 from 6-9 p.m. at Healing Circles Wellness Center~ 10 N. Jefferson Street, Frederick Maryland 21701. 

Fee: $60. Includes all materials (except background) and refreshments.

RSVP to: ownyourevolution@gmail.com or by calling 301.712.9015 x 1026.

Heather Tydings-Goldfarb. LCSW-C

Own Your Evolution

301.712.9015 x1026

www.ownyourevolution.com

www.ownyourevolution@gmail.com

www.facebook.com/OwnYourEvolution.com

YOGA!

Yoga FUN-damentals:

An Introduction to Yoga

Don’t let your new-to-yoga anxiety keep you away from this amazing practice any longer. This 3-week series is designed to get you on your mat with confidence to enter any community class of your choosing. Content will include a brief history of yoga, styles & types of yoga, as well as instruction for the “meat” of a community yoga practice- the asana (postures), breath (pranayam) and internal inquiry (meditation). Students will learn 20+ common postures and 3 basic breathing practices. Small group setting allows for individual questions, concerns and adjustments.

Tuesdays 10am-11:30am: July 29, August 5, August 12

$50 for 3-week series

(Requires 3 students minimum to hold class; maximum of 8)

Weekly Gentle Yoga Practice

A working, gentle mat yoga practice designed for those who want to integrate breath, movement, and internal inquiry to cultivate a greater sense of peace, joy, and wellness.

Tuesdays 10am-11am, Classes begin September 2

· $10 per session for pre-paid registration

· $15 per session “drop-in” rate, paid on-site